You shouldn’t look for answers in people who have left you.
There are no revelations there. No guides. No fulfillment’s of any kind.
You’re not going to find a map to paradise in these people.
You’re going to find confusion and a lot more questions, perhaps even more than you can handle.
And I know people change, that is if they want to but why give in?
Why trust who has broken you before?
I mean, people live and sometimes they have the nerve to come back but that doesn’t mean you’ve got to let them back in.
You don’t have to.
You owe it to yourself to be happy.
Besides look at you now, you’re a goddam superstar and in their absence you have found more of yourself and your smile.
You’re stronger and to be honest, you don’t need to spiral around the bulls*** their universe brings.
You don’t need people who have hurt you to convince you of how beautiful you are.
You’re a flower, and you don’t drown the moment the rain starts falling down.
This hit me profoundly this afternoon. I feel millennial understand this phrase, ‘ Nothing Lasts Forever.’ Nothing does, though I often live like I will have eternal options. The people I love will always be around. I can always pursue my goals one day in the distant future. The movie Dead Poets Society’s phrase ‘Carpe Diem,’ Seize the Day should be embraced more often than it has been.
I do not mean, don’t plan for things. You should plan and plan to be living well in to your 90s. What I mean to say is also plan for little things and other big things like kids. Have multiple plans, prioritize them and keep focused on those goals. Remind yourself and talk with your partner if you have one regularly about where you want to go and what you want to do in life.
The #1 New York Times Bestseller
A hilarious, thoughtful, and in-depth exploration of the pleasures and perils of modern romance from one of this generation’s sharpest comedic voices
At some point, every one of us embarks on a journey to find love. We meet people, date, get into and out of relationships, all with the hope of finding someone with whom we share a deep connection. This seems standard now, but it’s wildly different from what people did even just decades ago. Single people today have more romantic options than at any point in human history. With technology, our abilities to connect with and sort through these options are staggering. So why are so many people frustrated?
Some of our problems are unique to our time. “Why did this guy just text me an emoji of a pizza?” “Should I go out with this girl even though she listed Combos as one of her favorite snack foods? Combos?!” “My girlfriend just got a message from some dude named Nathan. Who’s Nathan? Did he just send her a photo of his penis? Should I check just to be sure?”
But the transformation of our romantic lives can’t be explained by technology alone. In a short period of time, the whole culture of finding love has changed dramatically. A few decades ago, people would find a decent person who lived in their neighborhood. Their families would meet and, after deciding neither party seemed like a murderer, they would get married and soon have a kid, all by the time they were twenty-four. Today, people marry later than ever and spend years of their lives on a quest to find the perfect person, a soul mate.
For years, Aziz Ansari has been aiming his comic insight at modern romance, but for Modern Romance, the book, he decided he needed to take things to another level. He teamed up with NYU sociologist Eric Klinenberg and designed a massive research project, including hundreds of interviews and focus groups conducted everywhere from Tokyo to Buenos Aires to Wichita. They analyzed behavioral data and surveys and created their own online research forum on Reddit, which drew thousands of messages. They enlisted the world’s leading social scientists, including Andrew Cherlin, Eli Finkel, Helen Fisher, Sheena Iyengar, Barry Schwartz, Sherry Turkle, and Robb Willer. The result is unlike any social science or humor book we’ve seen before.
In Modern Romance, Ansari combines his irreverent humor with cutting-edge social science to give us an unforgettable tour of our new romantic world.